I’m trying to move on but the memories persists. I’m hoping that writing them down here will help me even just a little.
The biggest thing that has really left a mark in my heart is our Japan trip. It’s actually pretty sad because that trip made me like him more. It made me feel that my feelings for him are leveling up and I was ready to take the relationship into an even deeper level. On the other hand, it was after the trip when he started to change and things just went downhill from there. It breaks my hurt just thinking about it.
But yes, Japan. It wasn’t a perfect trip. There were hiccups here and there but I felt so bonded with him. Walking late at night. Taking random pictures. Buying convenience store food. Pretending to be locals. Getting lost. Going crazy at Don Quixote. Eating curry. We did a lot of things. I got to know him more. I spent 2 weeks with him. We were together for 24/7. I loved it even if there were times when I got annoyed and mad at him. I never wanted the trip to end. It was like living in a dream. At the same time, I was pretty excited to go back and see where our relationship goes. I had no idea that it will go down the drain.
I remember that day where we went to the aquarium in green day because it was free. It was his idea. We also went to the Planetarium in Shibuya where we got on of our favourite inside jokes. That was his idea too. I loved watching the view from the top of Coredo building in Nihonbashi while eating pudding. That was his idea as well. We went to J-world and he had so much fun! It was so cute, he was like a little kid. I wish could rewind and do it all over again. Even better this time.
I saw the not so good parts of him but my love grew stronger. I accepted this person for who he is, flaws and all. He saw my flaws too, and instead of accepting me, he probably got turned off and started thinking that we’re incompatible. I’m not sure if that’s what triggered his decision to leave me. At least maybe a part of it.
Fast forward to today. We’re not together anymore and he has moved on. I’m still here writing about him. It’s painful to even remember that trip. The memories were so good that it hurts a lot. We had a lot of fun. We had planned to go back there again in the future but that’s not going to happen anymore. I don’t even know when I’ll be able to go back to that country. It’s filled with our memories and I’m terrified to go back.
I want to get over him but every time I think that I’m starting to get better, a memory from that trip comes to mind. It makes me sad that we can’t do those things together anymore. I made him a huge part of my life and it hurts that he’s slowly starting to become a stranger. How do people go from loving you to forgetting about you? It’s not like we had a toxic relationship. He said we had a good relationship and we really did. I’m really starting to appreciate him even more now that he’s gone.