2 weeks today since we broke up. I kind of regret replying to him when he texted me 4 days after the break up. I think it did more harm than good. I don’t wan’t to analyze things anymore because my brain is so tired. I know that if he wanted to be with me, he wouldn’t have left me, or he would have realized his mistake and come back. But he’s not here. I need to accept that.
I’m terrified of moving on because I love him but at the same time, I’m hurting myself and the people around me. I need to pick up the pieces and resume my life. I can’t just wait for him to text me and hope that he changes his mind. I need to help myself.
I wonder if telling him my true feelings have hurt my chances of getting back together with him. I never begged him to come back or chased him. I don’t think I did very desperate things. Although I did tell him that I still love him and that I miss him but I’m trying to come to terms with the break up. To me, it felt like the right thing to do. I do not want to embarrass myself further and cause trouble for him. I truly want us to be friends. I cannot do it right now. But eventually.
I wonder what he’s feeling, thinking? I’m quite certain he has moved on and frankly, it hurts me and I’m a little jealous. In a perfect world, he’d miss me me and realize he made a mistake. But I’m in the real world, and the reality is that he left me. So now I have to do my part and let go. It’s not going to be easy and the coming weeks will sure be rough. I’m sure I’ll have fluctuating emotions but I know that I need to do this for myself. I will no longer text my ex and I will refrain from checking my facebook until my feelings for him have dulled and faded. Only then can I start a friendship with him.
I don’t know how I’ll manage but I’ll get by somehow. Just like the first 4 days of our breakup. I just need to keep in mind that he left me. It was his choice. He chose to end the relationship. Not once has he said he missed me or loved me. I’m quite certain he has moved on and the only reason he texted me first and replied was because he felt sorry for me.
I still love him, very much so. But I need to let this hope in my heart die. He’s never coming back and I need to face that reality so I can finally continue living my life.